Don't expect the Casual Friday writers to be in front of the tube Sunday evening, July 20.
That's the night Tiger Woods gets another paperweight, Annika Sorenstam another bookend, and Josh Hamilton a new doorstop. Who else is going to win an ESPY this year? Better yet, who cares? Do the athletes even?
The ESPYs have to be considered the runaway favorite for Casual Friday's first ever "Casy" award - presented to the most pretentious, pointless and commercial-driven awards show of them all. Take it at face value: a ceremony named after and promoted by the same network that's televising it, complete with hackneyed hip-hop lingo from Stuart Scott (BOO-YAH!) and a scripted emcee performance by Justin Timberlake that screams awkward, unfunny and outta sync.
It's an awards show for awards show sake. Each of the players and coaches, past and present, who grace the 37 - yes, 37 - categories has already earned their due recognition.
Do we really need to select the best team from a list of four teams that conquered four different sports? What was most impressive championship-winning team: the Boston Red Sox, New York Giants, Boston Celtics, Detroit Red Wings, Kansas men's basketball or Tennessee women's hoops? Better yet, which title was the hardest to win? It's apples to oranges.
Do we really need to crown a best upset? Appalachian State's win over Michigan wasn't any more or less outlandish than Fresno State winning the College World Series or New York beating New England in the Super Bowl. To crown one of those history-defining moments is a knock against the other contenders. None of them deserve that.
Do we really need to give Lorena Ochoa, Candace Parker, Danica Patrick or Lindsey Vonn title as best female athlete? First of all, how can such a lofty accolade come down to four contestants? What about Shawn Johnson or Natalie Coughlin (maybe ESPN should wait until AFTER the Olympics to judge this)? Since each finalist is a proven winner, you're left asking which of their sports is the most demanding? Again, apples to oranges.
The best male athlete field is the same. Who will it be - Tom Brady, the quarterback that lost the Super Bowl; Kobe Bryant, the superstar guard that lost the NBA Finals; Alex Rodriguez, the guy that hits the ball far and does his best to field it; or Tiger Woods?
Moving on, does Tiger Woods really need a 19th ESPY? Where does he keep them all? Will he be healthy enough to make it up to the stage and accept it? Will Timberlake ask him what sport he plays? Will Tiger even show up?
Let's not bash the world's leading provider of sports coverage too much now. Their self-righteous awards show does have its strong points. This year, ESPN is honoring 1968 U.S. Olympians Tommie Smith and John Carlos with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award and Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett with the Jimmy V Award for Perseverance. Hamilton will presented with the Best Comeback award - no complaints there.
And who is the 'Cas to question the ESPYs' importance? Fans still determine the winners and, according to ESPN.com (who else), more than 12.5 million online votes were tabulated last year. That means people are watching the show.
Do they really have nothing better to do?
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