If you're looking at the calendar and thinking, "What the … ?" you are not alone, friends. Yes, I know; it's supposed to be autumn. Frost on the pumpkin. Falling leaves. Hot chocolate. And bathing suits?
That's right; for well over a week the temperatures here in our lovely South Valley hovered at summer-like levels. And for those of us of the female persuasion who are a little more, shall we say … "mature," this wasn't going to be pretty.
I mean, I had been so looking forward to that bit of a nip in the air. Sadly I've come to that unfortunate point in life where I permanently reside within my own weather system. It could be 40 degrees outside; internally I'm dealing with a blast furnace. So while this flash of unseasonably warm weather made meteorologists giddy with delight, some of us were feeling just a tad bit confused and uncomfortable.
Take the other day for example. I'd decided to get a jump on my Christmas decorating projects, and let me say right now that there is nothing like 85-degree weather to motivate one to jump on the holiday home-decorating bandwagon.
Nevertheless, I headed for the local craft store and pushed my cart around, wishing I was at the beach with a good book. Listlessly I dropped a couple of pine garlands into my cart. As I paid for my purchase, the sales clerk seemed a little grouchy. Recognizing a fellow victim of the alarming Fall Heat Rash Syndrome, I attempted a bit of cheerful small talk. "Certainly is warm for this time of year," I observed. "Hmmphhhrrrppnn … " was, I think, her reply.
And I understand; I truly do. But what are we supposed to do here? Pretend that it is still summer? Let's see … we could enjoy that fresh summer fruit except all those yummy cherries, peaches, apricots and the like have skedaddled until next year. Popsicles and ice cream? Sure … gallons of frozen treats make summer fun. Except Chunky Monkey isn't going to help in your quest to fit into that cute black dress by Christmas.
So how about taking the family to a baseball game? Always a good summer pastime, right? Well, except baseball season is long gone and even the World Series is history. Maybe a summer vacation. Pack up the family, rent a beach cottage and … well, maybe not; the kids have school on Monday.
How about an outdoor painting project? Hey, that's the ticket. The house needs a fresh coat of paint, and the paint will dry in a flash. But, hello??!! This is November when the days are so short we get a whole three hours of sunlight; better find a really big spotlight so you can just keep painting the house right on into the night because that sucker's got to be done by Thanksgiving.
Ok, if those suggestions just aren't panning out, there are still ways to beat the heat should it linger for much longer. And although the weather hasn't been exactly Keep-Kitty-in-the-Crisper sweltering, afternoon temperatures did, indeed, drift upward well into the 80s. So as a valuable public service, here are a few last-ditch suggestions to help you keep your cool because goodness knows you'll need a cool head come Thanksgiving when that turkey is due for a date with the oven.
Ice Cubes: Pop a few out of the freezer and slip those babies down the front of your shirt or inside the waistband of your jeans. Check for embarrassing water stains before venturing into public places.
Go Shopping: The standard indoor mall is hermetically sealed and provides a constant temperature. Plus this gives you a big head start on your Christmas shopping. When your spouse complains about the bills, remind him it was cheaper than running the air conditioner in November.
And if those suggestions don't cut it, here's the final word on the subject of the fall heat wave. Christmas is less than five weeks away. Now: does that send cold chills up your spine or what?
Gale Hammond Gale Hammond is a writer and freelance photographer who has lived in Morgan Hill 24 years. Reach her at GaleHammond@aol.com.
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